Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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