and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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