At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
