i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
