normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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