Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
