It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I need a burrito and a hug.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
