I just made out with a guy for $7.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
