Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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