You smell like stripper and shame
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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