I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
