Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize