I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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