Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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