my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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