She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
