you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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