I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
