i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
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