Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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