Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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