it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
