Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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