I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
