loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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