I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
