what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
