So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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