I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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