I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
