so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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