Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
