i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
