Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
