I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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