people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
