Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The power of my boobs compel you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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