Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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