worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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