Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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