We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize