I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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