Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
