I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
