Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
