did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
