I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize