Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
