I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
