I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
