I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
