check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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