I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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