C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
