I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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