even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
