well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
