a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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