the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she told me i tasted like america
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
