oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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