this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
