he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize