I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
