I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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