Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
