That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
