Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
