booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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