one might say we're banned from that church
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
