Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
