So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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