I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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