I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize