Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
