Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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