what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
