I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
