There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have post one night stand depression
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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