i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your cock deserves a montage
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
