I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
