I hate all girls vehemently.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
