is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
