Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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