Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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