dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize