How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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