my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
