alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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