Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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