wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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