hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I did not marry a roomba.
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