just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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