Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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