Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
