Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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