He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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