Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize