He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
